“l am inclined to believe that this is some kind of absurd joke?” lida asked hopefully.
“Uh, no, not really… honestly, this does happen at times,” you replied with a grimace.
“This is unheard of!”
“For you, yes, but it’s normal for me,” you replied with a grin, “anyway, I promise I’ll get a chair with 4 legs… maybe,” you added with a cheeky smirk.
“I should hope so,” lida replied, “although, I would happily stand and hold onto the three-legged chair so that you may enjoy sitting- if that is what is required of me.”
“Get youa man who will hold a broken chair so your broke ass can sit down,” you chuckled, making a general statement more than anything else.
“We will start our descent now,” the voice of
the captain said over the planes loud speaker,
“shouldn’t be long before we land.”
You smiled at lida as the announcement was made and he smiled back softly, adjusting his glasses as he looked across at you.
The plane landed and you were both warmly
welcomed to France.
“Bonjour Monsieur lida,” the valet driver greeted as the astute airway crew walked you from the private jet to the waiting limousine.
“Bonjour sir,” lida replied politely, “would you
please take us to Ligne Roset?”
“But of course” the valet driver replied, his
gorgeous accent making you simp just a little as he looked up into the rear view mirror and gave you a lovely smile- his blue eyes sparkling as he looked you over, “Monsieur lida, this is your girlfriend?”
“Yes, Anders,” lida replied with a proud smile, “she is very special to me.”
“She is magnifique,” Anders replied with a wink at you, “a pleasure to meet you Miss, er…”
“Just call me Y/N,” you replied with a dismissive hand wave.
“Miss Y/N. Such a beautiful name,” Anders said, his accent making your name suddenly take on a new feel, “Monsieur lida is very lucky to have you.”
“Oh, of course he is,” you replied with a cheeky
smirk at Iida, “I mean, what would he do without all my fart jokes and toilet humour.”
“S-She does not make such jokes,” lida said quickly to Anders.
“Don’t try and save face, Tenya, you know how I am,” you replied with a laugh.
“Oh! First name basis,” Anders quipped, “Monsieur, my lessons in love have paid off?”
“H-He did not give me love lessons,” lida said
hurriedly, looking at you.
You chuckled at poor lida’s flustered state and
Anders had a little chuckle to himself in the front seat as he drove through the busy streets towards the furniture shop.
Anders slowed as he reached the store in question and you looked out your window at the very sheik looking bilding.
“So this is where I’m getting my three-legged chair then?” you asked lida cheekily.
“You are determined to have a three-legged
chair and this confused me,” lida replied with a
confounded shake of his head.
Anders got out of the car and walked around to your side, opening the door and bowing to you as you hopped out.
“All the very best with your search for a
three-legged chair” Anders said politely and you cackled in return.
“I’m gonna get one just to confuse Tenya.”
Anders smirked then walked around to lida’s side of the car and opened the door for him.
“Your girlfriend is, how you say? …A handful of
“Yes, she is fun,” lida replied with a warm smile, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose with his one useful hand.
“Your arm, Monsieur?” Anders gestured to it curiously.
“Yes, I was defending my girlfriend,” lida replied, looking lovingly over the top of the car at you, “and I will not hesitate to do it again should the need arise.”
“So valiant!” Anders replied with an awestruck
gasp, “I shall let you two go and shop and will
return once I am called.”
“Thank you kindly, Anders, I will send you a
message when we are finished shopping,” lida
replied, bowing politely.
Anders nodded and closed the door then walked back to the drivers side and hopped in as lida walked over to where you were waiting on the sidewalk.
“Shall we start?” he asked as he offered you his
“Let’s go, daddy-o,” you said triumphantly, ignoring the look on his face as you walked him towards the door.
“Oo000, sexy'” you mused as you pushed the door open and laid eyes on a deep red couch near the front door, “that’s a sex couch for sure, look at he colour.”
“—I beg your pardon?!” lida gasped, “Y/N, you can not say vulgar things like that in here!”
“Why are they all weird colours?” you hissed are him, ignoring his statement before as your eyes darted around the shop.
“Weird colours?” he asked, confused.
“Yeah, that one is butthole coloured.” You gestured to a strange brown coloured one.
“Y-Y/N, please,” lida gasped with horror, “I don’t even know what the colour of a butthole is!”
“You just said butthole,” you cackled in a whisper, coving your mouth so that you weren’t laughing out loud in the dead quiet store, “I never thought I’d hear you ever say that word. Oh god, I’m crying, help.” You continued to cackle away softly as he cleared his throat and maintained his composure.
“Bonjour!” A feminine voice called, “Puis-je vous aider?”
“Bonjour Madam,” lida replied, “we are just
browsing for now, parles-tu anglais?”
“Oui! Yes, I speak English,” the lady replied with a beautiful red lipsticked smile as she walked towards you both, “please, do let me know if you need me to help with anything.”
lida nodded, “merci, we will call if we need you.”
You smiled at the lady then whispered to lida,”I
didn’t know you knew French!”
“I know a little of each of the major languages,” lida replied, “we had tutors from a young age.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” you mumbled to yourself.
“Y/N, what about that lovely green couch over
there!” lida said suddenly, pointing to a mint green fabric lounge.
“Do they have it in other colours? I like the shape though.”
“Madam?” lida called out into the shop, “nous
avons besoin d’assistance, please!”
The lady came into view immediately, “you would like my assistance?” She asked, “what is it that I may help with?
“Hi” you said, “does this lounge come in any other colours?”
“Oui! Yes, it does!” she said with another beautiful smile.
“Can I ask, what colours?” you asked.
The lady listed some of the colours then got
you a chart to show you in case there were any
“I’ll take it in [whichever colour you like best]” you replied.