Really Fake Chapter 56: Mrs Happy

“I haven’t said anything,” he replied cheekily.

You pursed your lips and dropped your arm then turned your attention back to pa.

“I have 2 carers coming for an interview on Thursday. 4pm and 5pm.”

“Girls?!” he asked with loud urgency.

“Women, yes,” you replied, holding back a heavy eye roll, “they’re both married too, pa.”

“Two married women?!” He asked with surprise, “together?”

“What?” you asked confused.

“Are the women married to each other?” he asked.

“No, pa, no they are married to their respective husbands…. why are we even discussing this? There is Mrs Happy- who sounds grumpy, coming for the interview this Thursday at 4pm and Mrs Grump- who is lovely, following her at 5pm.”

“Wait what?” Kuroo asked with a confused chuckle.

“It’s like their personality are switched. Mrs Happy is grumpy and Mrs Grump is happy.”

“Ohh! So like bipolar!” he said excitedly.

“No. It’s nothing like bipolar,” you deadpanned.

“Oh I thought it sounded like it,” he said with that hyena laugh.

You shook your head slowly then facepalmed, “god help me. I can’t with these two.”

After explaining everything as best you could, you let pa and Kuroo get back to watching the game show and excused yourself to get a drink of water and text M/F about the carers.

As per usual you had been distracted by the social media icon on your phone and you were so engrossed in [watching something/reading something] that you didn’t hear Kuroo come up behind you at the sink.

It was only when his arm wrapped around you from behind that you were alerted to his presence and you gapsed loudly and promptly dropped your phone into the sink, the loud clattering sound of it making you jump again.

“Wow,’ he chuckled, still with arms around you as he waited for you to retrieve your phone, watching it slide around the bottom of the sink as you desperately grabbed for it, “you looked like a raccoon fishing for something.”

“You scared me, you giraffe,” you huffed, finally getting your phone and pouting as he hunched down and plopped his chin on your head.

“Oh come now, short stack, surely you heard me coming?” he jeered.

“No? Your long ass legs could stretch from the lounge door to here in one step anyway,” you retorted.

“Does it take you 50 steps then?” he teased.

“You’re such an ass,” you chuckled, putting your phone down on the bench and reaching your hands up above your head then squishing his cheeks together.

“So.” His lips bubbled out like a fish as he spoke with your hands smooslung his cheeks inwards- his words being slurred a little. “Our date thith weekend.”

“I wanna go to [place you want to go].” You were firm and unwavering in your reply.

“Hmmm, sounth good?” he mused, cheeks still squished as most of his words were mouthed by his lips alone, “but what if we went to the food marketh on Sunday afternoon then had dinner under the fairy light trees in the town gardenth?”

You thought about it for a second then nodded, still holding his cheeks in your hands.

“Ok,” you replied.

“Good,” he said as he lifted his head up to a lofty height then lifted you off the ground.

“Put me down, you Titan!” you screeched, “I left my phone behind!”

You wailed like you had lost a loved one as he turned away from the bench and headed for the lounge again.

“The phone is lost now, and plus, you’re my snuggle so I can’t put you down until we get to the lounge.”

“No!” you pouted, wriggling to get out.

“Ohhh, you think that will work? Cute,” he mused, carrying you easily back into the lounge room and sitting down with you in his lap.

You looked over at pa, who was fast asleep, and grinned. “He’s out.”

“So kiss me then,” Kuroo leered, gabbing your cheeks and turning your face to his so that you could have a make out session while pa snored beside you both.

……………………………………..

It was Thursday 3:50pm and you were home and in something nice for the interview as you were waiting with pa in the lounge room.

“She should be here soon,” you said to pa, nervously rubbing your palms on your thighs, “why the fuck am I doing this?! I hate talking to people.”

The doorbell rang and you jumped up to get it.

“Stay there, I’ll be back,” you placated pa with palms towards him as if to stop him moving, “what am I saying you can’t move from there anyway.”

You marched to the door and pulled it open, plastering a fake smile on your face at the old biddy who was standing there with the most on point resting bitch face you had ever seen.

“Hi… uh, come in,” you said, stepping uh, come in,” you said, stepping back for her to enter.

She stepped across the threshold and looked immediately at the carpet peeling up at the bottom of the staircase.

“That needs to be fixed before someone falls,” she grunted.

“Uh… ok?”

She marched into the house, looking everywhere like it was a house inspection.

“Vase needs to go.” She pointed at a vase on the wall table.

“Uh…” Your brows knitted in confusion as she continued down the hall to the lounge room.

As she entered, she stopped and stared at pa.

He looked up at her and the two just stared at each other for ages without saying a word.

“Do you like cabbages?” he finally asked.

“My family grew Savoy cabbages in Germany,” Mrs Happy replied bluntly, “they are the best of cabbages.”

“Dang pussies been pissin’ on mine,” pa growled, “I aught to get out there and keep making cages.”

“How will you make cages when you can’t use your arm, silly man,” she snapped.

“Oh my god?” The mortified look on your face went unnoticed by both Mrs Happy and pa, “she literally, straight up walked in here, dissed the house then picked a fight with pa and called him stupid.”

Pa grunted and Mrs Happy turned to walk out of the room.

You let her go and then swiftly sidled up to pa.

“I am SO sorry, pa, I’ll tell her to go, that was so rude of her to sa— “

“I like her,” pa said, still looking in the direction she had walked, “she’ll make a good carer for me.”

“You— she? But pa?! She called you a silly man and she doesn’t even know your name yet?!”

“I don’t even know what my name is half the time,” pa replied, “I like her, she’s got spunk.”

“Wow I—, ok, let’s just interview Mrs Grump as well, then you can make a decision, ok?” you said with a vexed sigh. 

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Really Fake Chapter 57: Mrs Grump >>>