Really Fake Chapter 41: 4am Crackhead Goals

“I don’t want to be buried, I want to be cremated and put in a confetti blaster,” you called back as you made it to the kitchen sink and grabbed for a spare glass.

“That’s… a bit dark??… you sure you’re ok?” Kuroo shouted, the concern evident in his voice.

“You’ve just unlocked the next level,” you yelled back after swallowing the water down, “I slowly reveal disturbing things about myself the closer we get.”

“Ok, fair enough, can’t wait to see what you reveal when I’m inside you,” Kuroo called in a cheeky voice.

You had just gone for another mouthful of water at that point and had inhaled most of it, causing you to spray the water out in fits of coughing and spluttering.

Kuroo heard you dying and came to investigate, smirking as he entered the kitchen behind you- now with his pants on but still shirtless.

“Hey now, you’re only supposed to make those noises when you’re choking on my dick.” he teased.

Despite the fact that you were coughing up a lung and had water trickling down your face from your nose and eyes- you filled up a glass of water and turned, throwing the water directly at Kuroo’s bare chest and making him screech with surprise as the cold water hit his bare skin.

Now instead of coughing you were wheezing and snorting while making this weird choking laughing noise, tongue out as you let all the ugly out.

“Oh no you didn’t,” Kuroo howled with a lop-sided smirk, moving at the speed of light and grabbing you around the waist then easily hoisting you up over his shoulder and spinning around to take you back up to your bedroom.

“Nooo!!” You wailed, finally being able to say words again.

“Someone needs a spanking for that!”

“No someone does not!” You cried, banging your fists on his ridiculously muscular back as you hung over his shoulder, “someone needs a cuddle!”

“A spanking then a cuddle,” Kuroo corrected.

“I’ll spank you and then you cuddle me?” You bargained.

“No ma’am, you’re not getting away from me that easily,” he said as he walked easily up the stairs with you still draped over his shoulder.

He walked straight to your room and dropped you on the bed, your wrists being pinned above your head immediately.

“Well you don’t waste any time do you,” you said coyly, tugging on his hands a little just to test how strongly he had a grip on your hands.

“Now,” he said as he leered down at you and placed a leg between your bare thighs, pushing up against your heat, your tee shirt hanging just low enough to cover the important part, “tell me what you want to do to make us feel like a couple.”

“Oh, that’s right, I was supposed to write a list of things for us to do and then my pa decided to take a trip to the hospital.”

“No more stalling or I’ll roll you over and spank that pretty little ass,” he growled with a smirk.

“Ok, captain hotpants, calm down, let me think… can I have my arms back?”

“No. List. Now, quick…”

“Ok, number one… date?” you said, thinking what order it should be in.

“Anywhere in particular?” he asked.

“You pick, but make it good,” you replied cheekily.

“Ok, no pressure then, thanks,” he deadpanned.

“Yep, two, random late night outing…”

“Nice. Ok three?” Kuroo asked.

“Flirty texts in class,” you replied with a devious grin.

“Noted. Four?”

“Ummmmmm…..” you hummed, thinking of the next one.

“Come on. Really?” he asked with a smirk, “you can’t think of one really important one?”

“No?” you replied quizzically, “what is it?”

Kuroo’s eyes locked onto yours and his lips pulled into a smirk, one eyebrow raised a little.

“You don’t wanna do that, with me?”

“That???” And then the penny dropped.

“Oh! THAT. Uh…. umm… s-shouldn’t it just kinda… happen organically? Like, I don’t wanna be like, ‘on this day at this time we’ll… eat pancakes on the roof’.”

It only took a second for Kuroo to catch on and then he chuckled at you, leaning down and nibbling on your neck as you scrunched down to try and avoid being tickled.

“Ok that’s code then. ‘Eating pancakes on the roof’ is code of sexy times,” he confirmed, “got it.”

“I’ve given you the list now, can I please, atleast, get my pants on? Then we can snuggle?”

“Fine, I guess that’s fair,” he said with a gentle smile, finally releasing your wrists and rolling off you.

You got up and put your pants back on, making you fully clothed now, then walked back over to the bed and flopping down into Kuroo’s open arms.

He kissed the top of your head as he arranged his arms around you and in no time you had both drifted off to sleep.

……………………….

The next time you woke it was sometime in the very early morning and you looked up with a start, still sleeping half across Kuroo’s bare chest.

“Hey,” you croaked, “shouldn’t you be home?”

“Mmm?” he hummed in a rich sleepy voice, “I’ll text mum and tell her I stayed at Kenma’s,” he rasped back, reaching for your head and laying it back down on his chest, “I’ll grab my school uniform tomorrow morning before school.”

“It’s tomorrow already!” you mumbled, reaching for your phone to check the time, the light of your screen punching you in the eyeballs as you turned it on.

“What the—?” He groaned.

“Ugh?!”

“What time is it?”

“Just past 4,” you replied.

“Am?”

“No pm.” You deadpanned in the dark, “yes, am, you boob.”

Suddenly a hand groped your boob through your shirt and you gasped with surprise.

“Now I have a boob,” Kuroo said excitedly as his fingers latched around it.

“Unhand me you overgrown bush turkey.” You smacked his hand away smartly then grabbed at his bare chest for anything that resembled a nipple but ended up just smearing your hand around aimlessly.

“What are you doing?” he cackled, releasing that hideously addictive laugh of his.

“WHERE ARE YOUR NIPPLES, BITCH?!” you screamed at him.

“Y/N, it’s 4 in the damn morning and you’re screaming at me about nipples, what in the everlasting fu—.”

“Hand them over!”

“I don’t know where they are, but they’re there somewhere,” he cackled, grabbing your arm to stop your desperate search for the elusive nipple, “all I have to say right now is I’m glad we ended up together.”

Suddenly his lips crashed into yours, taking you by surprise as you let him take over and kiss you down onto the bed again. 

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