Really Fake Chapter 30: Dinner Date Part 2

“Not really.” Kuroo deadpanned at her.

“Shame.” She replied in a dead voice, “well if you ever want to try some fine wine you’re welcome to come to my place, I have an amazing collection.”

“They let you have a collection at the nursing home?” Kuroo asked snidely, keeping a neutral look on his face.

“I’m not at a nursing home.” She snapped, obviously indignant at Kuroo’s comment.

“Oh. Guess I shouldn’t assume.” He said in a very unapologetic tone.

She pursed her lipstick laden lips and looked back down at the menu.

“I’m gonna have a steak!” Pa said happily, still none the wiser to what was going on as his hungry eyes glossed over the menu. “What about you, Tit?”

“Well, pa, since I’m paying for this meal, you go ahead and order whatever you like.” Kuroo said proudly, “I’ll be having the salted Mackerel Pike, grilled of course.”

“A fine choice.” Pa said with a knowing smile, “and what will you be having my precious pumpkin pie?”

“Oh, sugar—,” Ms Marple started.

“Oh, sorry, honey plum, I was talking to Y/N.” Pa interjected.

You snorted with laughter before you could stop yourself and quickly coughed to cover it up but Ms Marple’s glare told you she knew exactly why you were laughing and it was at her expense.

“I’ll have the [food of choice].” You said politely to pa.

“Ahhh yes, that’s always been your favourite.” He replied with a smile.

“Now, sweetness.” He said, looking up at a very grumpy looking Ms Marple. “What will you be having?”

“The coq au vin with plump prunes and a side of garlic griddled aubergine.” She said with a smug smirk.

You looked down at the menu.

“That’s the fucking, most expensive item, on this menu.” You thought as you looked up at Kuroo. “How is Kuroo going to pay for all of this?!”

Kuroo was very calm and gave you a sly wink when you looked at him.

“Guess I’ll have to trust him, he’s obviously got a plan.” You thought as you looked back down at the menu.

“Madam?” The waiter asked as he approached Ms Marple, “will this wine suffice?”

He presented a vintage red wine, showing her the label before proceeding to explain the flavor.

“Yes, that will do.” She said with a forced smile, “it’s not Italian but it will suffice.”

“Fuck this prissy bitch.” You seethed, scowling away openly as your death grip on the table knife tightened.

“May I see some ID?” The waiter then asked Ms Marple and she looked at him with flattered confusion.

“Oh,” she said with a bashful smile, “oh, honey.” She said again with a light chuckle, touching her fingertips delicately today her obnoxiously big boobs, “you flatter me, no one has asked for my ID in years!”

“I just need to see your seniors card.” He stated, “so many people try and get seniors discounts.”

She deadpanned immediately, embarrassed at reading the situation wrong.

You snorted again and coughed heavily to cover it up while Kuroo smirked and still oblivious pa, poured you a glass of water.

“Thanks pa,” you croaked, “got something hilarious stuck in my throat.”

Ms Marple glowered as she pulled her seniors card from her bag and showed it to the waiter, who promptly commented that she looked younger in the photo; making you laugh all over again.

The waiter then took your orders and left, the table going quiet until pa started asking Kuroo how the game went from his end.

The pair chatted and you listened in while Ms Marple started throwing down glasses of wine, obviously drowning her sorrows at how the night was going.

Pa started following suit with some cheaper wine and before you knew it he was wine drunk and completely off his face and the dinner hadn’t even arrived yet.

“What did one saggy boob say to the other?” Your pa slurred as he wobbled slightly in his seat.

“Pa, not now.” You groaned- he had a habit of telling dirty jokes when he got shit faced.

“We’d better perk up otherwise they’ll think we’re nuts.” He said loudly, bursting out laughing as he threw his head back, belly shaking as the laughter took over his whole body.

“God.” You whispered, covering your face with embarrassment.

Kuroo has just taken a mouthful of water and was trying desperately not to laugh but was failing miserably as a small amount dribbled out from between his lips.

“Napkin!” You yelped at him, quickly grabbing your own and throwing it across the table at him.

Ms Marple looked so done and although you didn’t really like it when pa got into his jokes mode it was working perfectly to put her off.

Just then the food arrived and the table settled down again as the waiters went about giving everyone their dishes of food.

The clinking of your knives and forks blended in with the background restaurant chatter as you all dug into your meals; and for a moment everything seemed peaceful.

That was; until Ms Marple called for a waiter to complain about the chicken…

…Then the side dishes being too flavoursome…

…Then the temperature in the restaurant being too cold…

And you could see the poor guy was just done with her.

She sent her dish back again for the second time that night and when the food was returned to her it also came with the restaurant manager, who obviously wanted to see who the fuck it was, that was sending their food back constantly.

“Oh! Mr [L/N].” The manager called to your pa as he approached the table.

“Gus!” Your pa said loudly, “how have you been, young man, haven’t seen you for a while.” He pulled himself up out of his seat to shake the managers hand but almost falling in the process; which Kuroo saved, his volleyball receive skills coming in handy off court.

“Haven’t seen your either, sir, glad you’re still coming here.” Manager Gus said happily after he had shook your pa’s hand.

“Oh?” Ms Marple piped up, “you know the manager, sweetums?”

“Gus and I go way back.” Pa said with a twinkle in his eye, “he worked in the corner store near me for a number of years and would always tell me he wanted to own his own restaurant one day and look! He bloody well made it!”

“Not quite.” Gus said with a slightly embarrassed chuckle, “but this man gave me the encouragement I needed to keep pursuing my dreams.”

“Awwww.” You coo’d, “pa is the greatest.” You said proudly.

“I agree with your statement.” Gus said with a wink at you, “now.” He said, turning his attention to Ms Marple. “I believe there have been a number of issues tonight for you, Miss?”

“Well yes.” She said indignantly, “first of all, my chicken wasn’t tender enough…”

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