“What would I chew you out for?” Kuroo asked smuggly as he crossed his arms and sat back against the booth seat, knowing full well what you meant.
“Well firstly, for being such an attention whore and chasing after anyone who shows me even the slightest bit of interest and secondly; for completely ditching you even though we’re just fake dating.” You said glumly as you sniffed heavily and stared down at the table.
“Why would I need to chew you out if you already know what you did?” Kuroo said calmly, his intense eyes watching you closely.
“I dunno, kinda feel like it would be the perfect opportunity for you to kick me while I’m down.” You said sadly as you continued to eyeball the table, “I’m so done with everything. I’m going to tell bitch one and bitch two that you and I are not together anymore, then stop talking to them and become an actual loner or move to another planet.” You added as you slumped your face into your palm, the bracelet that Oikawa bought you showing plainly for Kuroo to see.
“Well before I say anything else, take the bracelet off.” Kuroo said in a low voice.
“What?” You asked as you looked up at him then down to the bracelet. “Oh! I’m gonna sell this and get some money. Fuck him.” You mumbled.
“Nah just toss it in the bin.” Kuroo said as he uncrossed his arms and leaned forward, reaching for your wrist.
“No! That’s such a waste.” You said as you pulled your wrist back from him. “What’s it to you anyway?”
“I don’t like something of his on you.” He said bluntly.
“W-What? You sound so ‘boyfriend protective’, what’s going on?” You asked with a surprised half laugh as you pulled your arm right back.
Kuroo half stood and reached across the table, still intent on removing the bracelet. Your laughter faded as Kuroo reached all the way across and pinning your wrist to the backboard of the booth behind you, his face leaning over yours.
“We might be fake dating but if anyone touches you, they’ll have me to answer to.” Kuroo said darkly and your face flushed red with shock.
“What is this? Is… is he…?”
“That’s what you’d like me to say, isn’t it.” Kuroo leered cheekily as his face suddenly broke into a smirk while he looked down at you.
“Fuck you.” You scowled, punching straight up into his chest.
“You’re too easy.” He wheezed, letting go of your wrist so he could sit back and rub his chest.
“I’m out.” You said angrily as you got up out of the booth seat and stormed out of the shop.
Kuroo watched your go.
“She’s not ready for a serious relationship. When she stops simping so easily that’s when I might let her know how I feel about her.” He thought as he sat back and sighed.
You made it back home and wearily pushed the front door open.
“Pa! I’m home.” You called in a tired voice.
“Pumpkin what is sexting?” Pa’s warbly voice called from the lounge room.
“Oh my god, what?!” You yelped to yourself as you kicked your shoes off, “lord, what is going on?” You muttered as you made your way to the lounge room door. “Sorry?” You asked hesitantly as you walked into the room.
“Ms Marple wants to sext.” Pa said with a bright gummy smile, “but I don’t know what the flaming heck it is!”
“Pa, did you just curse?” You gasped playfully.
“Oops, sorry sweetpea! Cover your ears.” He said with a devious cackling chuckle.
Suddenly his phone dinged and he looked down at it.
“Oh? She sent me a picture.” He said to himself as he adjusted his glasses and tilted his head up so he could look through the bottom part of the bifocals.
“Oh… oh no… Pa?” You said softly, holding a hand out as if to stop him from opening the image.
“What’s this supposed to be?” He asked curiously as he held the phone back a bit. “Needs an iron…”
“Oh god.” You wailed, covering your face with embarrassment, “I’m gonna go, this is terrible.”
“Oh! I see what it is now!” He said suddenly as his eyes flew open. “Golly that is something!”
“I am dying. Excuse me, due to personal reasons I will now be passing away.” You said in a dead tone as you turned to go.
“Wait a second, honey pie. She also sent me a little cartoon picture of a tongue and a peach.” Pa called after you, “what do I sent back?”
“Are you actually asking me that question?! Is my own 85 year old grandpa really legitimately asking me this?!” You cried, fake sobbing as you clung to the door frame.
“Well, if she’s sending me food and body parts I’ll send the eyes cartoon and an eggplant.” Pa said as he looked back to his phone.
“I can’t believe this is actually happening.” You deadpanned as you left the lounge. “Good luck with your explicit exchanges, Pa!” You called as you went to your room.
“Thank you, honey bunch!” He called happily.
“This day has been wild from start to finish.” You though as you slowly climbed the stairs and went to your room. “I just want a boring life again.”
As you entered your room your phone dinged.
“Kuroo.” You muttered as you looked down at the screen and opened his message.
“Are you actually going to give Liisa and Nora the flick?” He texted.
“Yeah.” You replied.
“How?” He asked.
“Dunno yet.” You replied, “just gonna be honest I guess.”
“How honest?” He asked.
“Why the probing questions? What’s it to you? You don’t even need to be involved in this, you’re just faking it for my sake, which I greatly appreciated but you’re off the hook now.” You sent, a mixture of anger and sadness in your reply to him.
“Are you breaking up with me?” He asked with a broken heart on the end of the message.
“Yeah I guess I am?” You replied.
“Ok, delete the other messages around these then you can show the break up message to bitch one and bitch two and they’ll believe you.” He sent, adding a thumbs up.
“Why are you being so helpful?” You asked curiously, “you don’t need to be this nice to me.”
“I’ve always been a nice person.” He sent.
“I HIGHLY doubt that.” You replied with an eyeroll emoji.
“So how you gonna do it?” He asked.
“I’m going to tell them I don’t want to be friends with them anymore because they’re fake and annoying.” You replied.
“I highly doubt you’ll actually say that.” He replied cheekily.
“Fuck you, just watch me.” You replied, adding the middle finger emoji on the end as you closed the messages and threw your phone on the bed. “I have nothing to loose so I’m actually going to say exactly what I said I would. I want to see their faces when I call them out on their bitchy attitudes.”