Really Fake Chapter 1: Friends

M/F: stands for Mum Friend – that friend who is the Mum Friend- very self explanatory. Or Mother-F*cker, whichever bloats your goat.

You have a grandpa in this fic! Congratulations. 

He’s a few cents short of a dollar but you love him.

The rest will be explained as we go.

ENJOY! ❤️

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“Pa!” You screamed as you ran down the stairs, “Pa?! Where are you?! I gotta get going to school!” 

You paused at the bottom of the stairs, listening for any response from your grandfather, whom you lived with.

Silence.

“For Christ’s sake I’m gonna be LATE!” You muttered, running into the kitchen.

As you looked out the back window, you saw your elderly grandfather bent over his cabbage patch furiously doing something with a spade.

“PA!” You shouted as you yanked the back door open.

“Wha—who’s there?!” He shrieked in his wobbly grandfather voice, straightening as quickly as possible and shuffling around to look at you. “OH! It’s you, Y/N.” He reached his hands back behind himself and pressed them into his lower back to help himself straighten a bit.

“Sorry, Pa, I gotta go! Be good ok? I’ll be back after scho— Pa?! What happened to your cabbages?!” You gasped in surprise, looking at the absolute mess in the garden.

“It’s them dang gone PUSSIES from next door they’ve been pissing in my cabbage patch!” He fumed in his old man’s voice, “I’ll skin the bloody things next time I catch them on my land!”

You sweat dropped.

“Pa…Pa, could you please just call them cats?” You begged softly.

“Well I know they’re CATS but I’ve always called them PUSSIES.” He said loudly.

“PA! Oh my god, shhhhh, keep your voice down.” You wailed softly, looking around the empty backyard while trying to placate him with wild hands movements. “Ummm, anyway, I have to go! I’ll be back.” You quickly leaned in and gave him a goodbye kiss on the cheek.

“Good luck sweetums!” He warbled, giving you a gummy smile.

“PA! Where are your dentur— ok, you know what? Never mind, I’ll look for them when I get home tonight.” You said hurriedly, turning and sprinting for the door. “BYE! LOVE YOU!”

You grabbed your bag as you slid through the house to the front door, messily throwing your shoes on before tearing out the door and down the street.

A familiar face loomed ahead of you, waiting on the corner for you and you smiled brightly as you approached her.

“HEY M/F!” You called.

She smiled at you.

“You ready for the first day?” She asked as you pulled up beside her then the two of you continued walking side by side to school.

“Umm, not really, I’m gonna be a loner again.” You said with a sigh, “why did we have to transfer in to a new school in the final term of the third year. Also! why did you have to be in class B and not class A with me?” You asked sadly.

“It’s because somewhere along the line I angered the gods and this is their revenge.” She said stupidly with a goofy smile. “You’ll be fine, Y/N, don’t worry.”

“No I won’t, I SUCK at making friends, this is so unfair.” You moaned pitifully.

“Just walk up to a bunch of people and say, ‘hi!'” She said happily.

“Dude.” You deadpanned, “hello? Do you even know me? I can’t just walk up and talk to some RANDOM like you can?!”

“Why not?!” She shot back.

“Because I’m a bundle of anxiety and social awkwardness that’s why!” You replied.

“But you’re fine with me?” She commented.

“Because I’ve known you since we were kids, dude.” You deadpanned, “you’re my best friend!”

“Ok, well, as much as I appreciate that, you’d better make friends or else I’m gonna duck on you and I won’t speak to you unless you make at least ONE friend today.” She replied smartly.

“You wouldn’t do that.” You said disbelievingly.

“Wouldn’t I?” She snapped back, staring you down.

You thought it over in your mind.

“As much as I would like to think that you wouldn’t do it I’m not going to take my chances so I guess I’ll just have to suck it up and make a friend.” You said with an exaggerated sigh. “Wish me luck. If I fail I’m gonna swan dive off the school roof.”

“You’re so bloody dramatic.” She sighed, “you’ll be FINE.”

You continued to chat as you walked, making your way into the Nekoma High school grounds and towards your respective classrooms.

“Good luck~.” She sung as she turned and walked off to class B.

You frowned as you watched her go.

“Well here goes nothing.” You sighed internally as you reached for the classroom A door and slid it open.

Most of the students were already in the room and you smiled sheepishly at a few of them as you walked in and found a desk to sit at.

You plopped yourself down in the chair and stared down at the desk in front of you.

“Ok, Y/N, just listen to the conversations around you and pick a group to fit into.” You mentally coached as you focused on a group of girls further down the room.

One by one you listened to the excited chatter of the people around you and mentally crossed them off the list.

“Music? Those girls are talking about music…” you thought as you listened in. “Fuck, I don’t recognize ANY of the bands they’re talking about… ok, pass, next…”

You listened on to the sporty girls, the intelligent girls, the poetry girls… no one was saying anything you could relate to!

Then next to you you heard two girls chatting animatedly about something…. boyfriends maybe??

“Yeah, and then we went out on his private yacht.” One girl said.

You glanced across at them and noted they were extremely well dressed girls with manicured nails and hair done just right, both holding the latest phone in hand.

One was a very good looking blonde girl and the other a striking red head.

You kept listening.

“Ugh, I wish my boyfriend would take me out somewhere he’s so fucking boring.” You heard the redhead say.

“Just dump him already.” The blonde replied in a bored tone, “you can do so much better than him anyway.”

“Boyfriends, huh?” You thought as you kept listening. “I’ve never had a boyfriend but I’d like one? Maybe I could learn a thing or two from these girls?”

You kept listening, plucking up the courage to say something.

“What am I going to say though?! I’ve got nothing to offer to their conversation but I need to strike while the iron is hot!” You thought. “You know? You could always just break up with him to make him desperate to want you back again.” You said loudly with a coy smile, looking over at them with a smug look on your face. “What am I saying?! Who said that? Certainly not me! Am I possessed?!

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