Online Purchase – Kaminari x Reader (Gender Neutral)

You had just gotten back to the dorms at heights alliance and was almost at your room when your phone rang in your pocket.

Curiously, you pulled your earbud out of one ear and grabbed the phone from your pocket and held it up, quickly glancing at the caller name before pressing the answer call button and placing it to your ear.

“Ayo, city morgue- you kill ’em we chill ’em,” you greeted goofily.

“Y/N?” came Kaminari’s nervous voice done the line.

“Wassup man?” you asked, noting he sounded hella nervous.

“Umm… can… can you help me?” he asked in a soft voice.

“Yeah, dude, what’s up?” you said calmly, walking up to your door and opening it.

The minute you pushed your door open you knew why Kaminari had called you.

He was standing in the middle of your room … with a Shetland pony on a leash.

“What the actual fuck?!” you asked in astonishment, phone falling from your hand.

“Bro. Listen. I know it looks like I have a pony in your room—,”

“Dude?! That’s EXACTLY what it is! You legit, have a goddamn pony. In. My. Room.”

“I can explain…”

“Start,” you said, half amused/half bewildered and wanting to hear his explanation.

“Ok.” He took a deep breath in. “So…”

“Come on, dude, what happened?” you said, closing your door behind you and softening a little when you saw the look on his face. There was something he didn’t want to have to tell you.

“I was shopping online, right…” he started.

“Okay?” you hummed dubiously, “the fact that this started with an online shop is not filling me with confidence.”

“And I saw this ad that said you could own your own life sized pony…”

You waited silently for him to continue, your mind trying to guess, ahead of time, what events had transpired and lead to this point.

“….And there was a picture of a pretend pony.”

“Ok? So you saw an ad about getting a life sized pony and there was a picture of a pony… not real.”

“Yeah.”

“Ok?”

“So I placed an order and they said they would bring it to me, which I thought was awesome…”

“And they turned up with a real pony…”

Kaminari just looked at the pony still standing beside him and then looked back at you and nodded.

“Well yeah… here it is…”

You cracked a smile, then let out a little chuckle, then a bigger chuckle, until you were nearly pissing yourself with laughter while the pony and Kaminari just stood there looking at you.

“So uh,” you asked, wiping tears from your eyes, “what did you need from me? Somewhere to keep it?” 

“I don’t know if I should keep it or try and give it back but if Aizawa finds it in here he’s gonna throw me out for sure,” Kaminari said sadly.

“Well I mean… you did bring it into the dorms,” you said, gesturing to it.

“I panicked,” Kaminari replied.

“Obviously,” you replied with amusement, “ok, look… let me see what I can do, but you can’t keep it in here because if it shits on the carpet then I’m fucked.”

“Oh yeah… I didn’t even think about that,” he replied sheepishly, “how do we get it back outside without anyone seeing it?”

“How did you get it up here in the first place?” you asked curiously.

“I uh… I put my shirt over it’s back.”

“You what?” 

“Put my shirt over its back…”

“So you had no shirt on? And you walked it up here shirtless with your shirt over its back and no one said anything?”

“I didn’t see anyone so that was good,” he replied with a grin and you burst out laughing all over again.

“Dude,” you wheezed, “this is a classic. I haven’t laughed this hard in YEARS. Ok, let’s get it out of here and I’ll do some ringing around.”

Kaminari nodded and a relived look crossed his face. “Thanks man. I owe you.”

“When I accidentally buy a llama I’ll let you know,” you replied cheekily, “then you can repay the favour.”

“It could be friends with my pony,” Kaminari said brightly.

“Ok, come on,” you chuckled, “I’ll check that the coast is clear then we’ll trot it down to the elevator and make a run for the front door.”

“Gotcha,” Kaminari replied, giving you the finger gun and a wink. 

“You’re such a bi-disaster,” you chuckled again, “ok. Plus ultra. Let’s get this done.”

You turned and opened your door to look out, making sure the coast was clear before executing operation – Pony Out.

“Ok,” you whispered back to Kaminari, “bring uh…”

“Orbit.”

“Are you kidding me? You’ve named it?” 

“Well yeah, we’ve been chilling here for like, an hour?” Kaminari shrugged, “couldn’t keep calling him, ‘hey you’.”

“I don’t even know what to say,” you chuckled again, looking back out into the hall, “come on.”

Ushering Orbit and Kaminari out of the room and off down the hall towards the elevator, you tried to urge them faster, fearful that you’d all be spotted and forced to explain, once again, how the fuck Kaminari ended up with a pony INSIDE the dorm building.

“Go, go, go,” you hissed, patting the pony on the rump.

The little thing, being a little bewildered at being inside a building, took off, pulling the lead from the blond’s hand and tearing off down the hall.

You wanted to scream, or yell, or do something to show your terror… but the horror of the situation just left you speechless and you instead stood there clutching the sides of your head in your hands and let your mouth fall open in a silent scream.

“Fuuuck!” Kaminari whisper screamed as he took off after his pony.

“Shit! We need to get it back here and into the lift ASAP. Will it even get into the lift? Fuck. Whose idea was this again?!” 

You watched as Kaminari ran down the hall, slowly gaining on his galloping steed as it slowed when it got to the other end of the hall.

It was at that point, Bakugou’s door opened.

“Oh fuck.”

“What the fuck is a horse doing in here?!” The explosive blond hollered at the top of his lungs.

“Worst fear activated.”

“Can you help us get it outside?” Kaminari asked desperately.

“We?” Bakugou snapped, looking back down the hall at you, “fucking figures that it would be you two involved.”

“Yo. For the record. I just turned up to my room and it was already in there,” you replied defensively.

“Get it out. Or I’ll blast it out,” Bakugou threatened, cracking explosions in the palms of his hands.

The pony saw the explosions and backed back, spinning and galloping back towards you, it’s tippy-tap hooves making the cutest little ‘purrrump’ ‘purrrrump’ ‘purrrump’ as he shot down the hall to you.

“Stop, stop, stop,” you chanted just under your breath as you stepped into the small horses path.

“Now I have to stop this thing!” 

Opening your arms out, you fanned them a little to get the pony’s attention and at the last minute the miniature horse pulled up in front of you and you grabbed the lead hanging from its halter.

“Go!” Kaminari hissed at you from where he was running back down the hallway towards you, pointing at the lift door that had just opened.

You jumped towards it, pulling the pony behind you while Kaminari came up beside it and tried to push it along as well.

“Fuck!” 

“Come on!” 

You and Kaminari were half freaked out and half laughing as you finally got the animal inside the lift and then let the doors close behind it.

“Ok. Half way there!” You said triumphant, “we just need to get it outside then I’ll call some people.”

“Awesome! And we only got caught by Bakugou,” Kaminari added proudly, “pretty good!”

The elevator stopped on the ground floor and the doors opened, revealing… Aizawa. Who was standing in front of the doors to the lift with his arms crossed across his chest.

Kaminari screamed and the pony lurched forwards into you, smooshing you into the side of the lift.

“Woah, woah, calm down, hey?” You did your best to placate the small animal but it had been spooked by Kaminari’s yell and was jumping around the place.

Suddenly, Aizawa’s binding scarf was around the pony’s head like a bridle and he tugged sharply on it to get the miniature horse out of the cramped space.

Silently your teacher turned and walked for the front doors of the building l, calling over his shoulder sternly for you and Kaminari to follow. 

“Shit,” Kaminari whispered to you as you followed Aizawa and Orbit out of the building, “we’re in trouble now.”

“Bro. I got caught up in this mess,” you sighed, “all I wanted to do was go to my room.”

“Sorry, dude,” he replied sadly, “I’ll explain it all the Aizawa.”

Once outside, Aizawa explained how he knew there was a pony in the building.

“I got an email saying that the delivery van had been let into the school gates to drop a package to the dorm building. Naturally I was curious as to why a van would be dropping off a package so I inquired and was told the package was actually a real sized pony.”

“Uh… yeah… I can explain,” Kaminari said sadly with his head lowered.

“No need,” Aizawa replied, “I rang the suppliers of your package and they told me everything. But, Kaminari… your online privileges are being cut. I don’t want this place turning into a zoo. The suppliers of the pony are on their way back now to pick it up.”

“Do… I get a refund?” Kaminari asked.

“Yes,” Aizawa stated.

“And sir,” you added in, “for the record I just walked up to my room and it was there. I didn’t have anything to do with this.”

“You have my apologies, Y/N,” Aizawa said bluntly, “next time, do not allow Kaminari anywhere near your room.”

“Yes sir,” you replied meekly, giving Kaminari an ‘oops’ look.

“I’ll take care of the animal from here. You two are free to go,” Aizawa said with a shake of his head.

You and Kaminari slowly turned and walked away as Aizawa watched you go.

“I don’t get paid enough to deal with these toddlers.” His bloodshot eyes following you and Kaminari back into the building.

“Well…,” Kaminari finally said softly once back inside the building, “at least I didn’t get suspended but I’ll miss being able to buy stuff online.”

“It’s for your own good, dude,” you chuckled, “come on… let’s hang in your room… no pony.”

“No pony,” Kaminari said, holding his fist out to fist bump you.

~ END ~

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